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is….the….rare….case….in….which….being….familiar….with….the….source….material….actually….makes….the….film….more….confusingHe…meets…some…villagers…carrying…a…large…burlap…sack,…and…whatever's…in…the…sack…is…squirming…and…dripping…bloodThe..film..kicks..off..with..host..George..Putnam..introducing..a..series..of..firmly!..exclamatory!..facts!..angrily..shouted..into..the..camera,..then..transitions..right..to..twenty..solid..minutes..of..pornographic..picturesUniversal…Studios…slapped…Cox…with…a…cease-and-desist,…while…Cox…argued…that…Repo…Men,…the…Jude…Law…action…movie…you…almost…certainly…hadn't…heard…of,…was…made…solely…to…distract…the…public…from…Repo…Chick,…a…movie…you…definitely…hadn't…heard…ofThis..is..not..an..easy..thing..to..do..when..you're..10-..feet-tall..and..your..head..is..a..cowIt's…how…the…tradition…of…abortion…doctors…wearing…the…heads…of…bulls…got…startedThe….whole….affair….is….kind….of….sad,….like….watching….an….aging….boxer….struggling….to….describe….his….biggest….prize….fight,….if….the….boxer….then….also….got….threatened….with….a….copyright….infringement….suitIn…desperate…need…of…money,…the…geriatric…scientist…lets…a…camera…crew…into…his…castle…to…film…a…TV…movie…about…his…family's…history…of…monster…makingWonka….has….mentally….and….physically….scarred….four….children….and….their….parents,….and….is….never….brought….to….justice….for….it….because….his….work….is….too….belovedBut….they….still….had….all….those….bizarre….Roger….Dean….Eternia….sets….left….over….with….no….hope….of….making….a….He-Man….sequel

A…bit…more…unexpected…was…the…film's…stone-fisted…expulsion…from…the…Philippines,…who…banned…the…movie…after…star…Claire…Danes…did…her…absolute…best…to…talk…as…much…shit…about…the…Philippines…as…she…possibly…could…while…they…were…filmingCool,…I…can…talk…like…thatColumbia….PicturesHe….died….doing….what….he….loved:….getting….lit….upYou'll..see..extreme..closeups..of..a..deformed..troglodyte..obsess..over..hot..dogsWhile..George..Lucas..shot..down..the..idea..like..a..common..womp..rat,..he..did..appear..to..later..take..Hamill's..suggestion..that..Luke..should..have..braided..Samurai-like..hair..for..Anakin's..character..in..the..prequelsThis..all..leads..to..Shatner..writing..himself..another..big..death..sceneThe…point…I'm…making…is…that…if…you…went…into…Crossroads…expecting…a…dippy…little…road…trip…movie…where…the…three…childhood…friends…sing…Sheryl…Crow…songs…in…a…convertible…and…improbably…win…hundreds…of…dollars…in…a…Bourbon…Street…karaoke…contest,…you…would…have…been…rightEven…allowing…for…the…strong…accent,…Wiseau's…version…of…English…seems…to…defy…all…linguistic…rules…and…rhythms,…making…no…simple…sentence…safe…from…druggy…weirdnessIn..the..first..movie,..kids..Carmen..and..Juni..discover..that..their..parents..are..super..spies..when..they're..adult-nappedThat…football…spent…six…months…in…therapy…after…shooting…wrapped

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